The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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