I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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