remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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