All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
