Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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