my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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