why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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