don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
