i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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