cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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