So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
