I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
