My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
even my farts smell like vagina
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
