dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
