she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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