Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
