My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize