You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
