I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize