oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
