He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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