I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
