What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
