i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
