I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
