Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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