I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
