she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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