He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
