You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
