Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
