I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Houston, we have a blender
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
