just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
