if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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