He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
