Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
