We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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