after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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