i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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