mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
