We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
