I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My feet surprised me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
