just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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