I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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