He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize