what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please come you make the beer taste better
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize