I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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