I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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