I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
