She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
