I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
