My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize