I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
