U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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