He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
