No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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