Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
