pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize