she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
