he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
