Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
