Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
