This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
