EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
