I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They took my balls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
