6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
