break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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