i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
