lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
