Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
