your room smells of hookers.
And success
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize