Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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