Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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