u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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