My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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