i think my mom watched the whole time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
