I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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