Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
