I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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