no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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