There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
