what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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