She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
