I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
