Michael Bay diarrhea
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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