my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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