I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
