real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
