She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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