As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
